I suck at gardening. » General

Eye Wuv Spwing

Corwin — Tue, 06 Apr 2010 10:46:52 +0000

Pollen, radical barometric pressure changes, extreme temperature variation, sneezing, sinus drainage, bugs. Ahh bugs. I have been been attempting to work on a new deck – more like a stoop actually. The wasps seem to be setting up nest in the grill, the carpenter bees in the fence don’t seem to like the wasps and neither seem to like me. It’s been all out war out there. I’ve killed at least 20 so far with a racquetball racket and wasp spray. On the up side, wacking a carpenter bee with a racquetball racket is somewhat satisfying. I have learned that only the female carpenter bees have stingers, and are purportedly docile. My eyesight is not so keen as to spot any male dangly parts so they are all on my list if they harass me. I know – they both have environmental benefits, pollinators and all that stuff. I do however think I have a right not to be dive bombed and harassed on my own patio.

It was 87 degrees in our office yesterday. The AC was turned on. It is the beginning of April. *sigh*

Dogs are awesome.

Corwin — Fri, 19 Feb 2010 15:48:09 +0000

Excerpts from a Dog’s Diary……

8:00 am – Dog food! My favourite thing!

9:30 am – A car ride! My favourite thing!

9:40 am – A walk in the park! My favourite thing!

10:30 am – Got rubbed and petted! My favourite thing!

12:00 pm – Lunch! My favourite thing!

1:00 pm – Played in the yard! My favourite thing!

3:00 pm – Wagged my tail! My favourite thing!

5:00 pm – Milk bones! My favourite thing!

6:00 pm – Oooh, Bath. Bummer.

7:00 pm – Got to play ball! My favourite thing!

8:00 pm – Wow! Watched TV with the people! My favourite thing!

11:00 pm – Sleeping on the bed! My favourite thing!

Excerpts from a Cat’s Daily Diary. ..

Day 983 of my captivity.

My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects.

They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets. Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my strength.

The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape. In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the carpet.

Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet. I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly demonstrates what I am capable of. However, they merely made condescending comments about what a “good little hunter” I am.

There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However, I could hear the noises and smell the food. I overheard that my confinement was due to the power of “allergies.” I must learn what this means and how to use it to my advantage.

Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try this again tomorrow — but at the top of the stairs.

I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches. The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released – and seems to be more than willing to return. He is obviously retarded.

The bird has got to be an informant. I observe him communicating with the guards regularly. I am certain that he reports my every move. My captors have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell, so he is safe. For now…………….

A pale blue dot.

Corwin — Fri, 19 Feb 2010 15:42:40 +0000

“The Pale Blue Dot” is a photograph of planet Earth taken in 1990 by Voyager 1 from a record distance, showing it against the vastness of space. Carl Sagan called the photo of Earth from Voyager ‘a pale blue dot’… “That’s here. That’s home. That’s us. On it everyone you love, everyone you know, everyone you ever heard of, every human being who ever was, lived out their lives. … There is perhaps no better demonstration of the folly of human conceits than this distant image of our tiny world.”

I am a lazy bastard.

Corwin — Thu, 04 Feb 2010 15:59:44 +0000

Why bend over when I can buy a tool to pick up things from the floor? I bought this handy device to help prevent too much more wear and tear on my back. I need a holster for it or perhaps a back scabbard? [click to embiggen]

Pikstik and squirrel

PikStik-Pro Aluminum Reacher, 32

Feral cats and a tank.

Corwin — Tue, 26 Jan 2010 20:05:59 +0000

I took my kids driving this past weekend. They have their learners permits and are learning how not to run into things or drive off the road. We also went out taking some pictures. I present for your enjoyment: The Feral Cats of Smithfield and a Tank. [click to embiggen]

Feral Cats #1	Feral Cats #2	Feral Cats #3
Feral Cats #4	Feral Cats #5 (out of focus)	Not a Feral Cat

Walk the doggy.

Corwin — Sun, 24 Jan 2010 19:38:33 +0000

Our dog Kayla LOVES going for walks. She acts as if she’s on some kind of mission, forging ahead in search of new smells. It took a very long time for her to become a good walking companion. If it wasn’t for my wife I’m sure I would have given up on her long ago.

We got Kayla nearly 8 years ago. She was a year and a half old when we found her through a rescue group, K9 New Life. She was 45lbs, under nourished and cared for poorly. She’d also just had a puppy, a black Lab we never got to see.

Today she’s 70lbs, very well adjusted and happy. I cannot begin go describe how well this dog behaves. She doesn’t touch anything that doesn’t belong to her; she doesn’t get on the furniture except for one ottoman, and she asks for permission to get on that. She has possibly a hundred different toys strewn throughout the house. She’s one happy spoiled dog and we love her dearly.

Kayla

Evergreen my ass.

Corwin — Thu, 21 Jan 2010 18:35:40 +0000

This my friends is an azalea. They thrive here in South Eastern Virginia. They just don’t thrive under my care. To be fair, there are a few that I haven’t killed yet. This one still has a few leaves on it but I think it’s not happy, and more than likely actually dead. You have to look hard to even find the plant. It took me several tries to get the image rotated the correct way.

Dead Azalea

Oooh that smells nice.

Corwin — Thu, 21 Jan 2010 01:39:39 +0000

This happy little plant is lavender! I think it’s lavender. Notice the care and delicacy of the planting and placement. I’m sure it will blossom and thrive under my care. I can’t wait to use those lavender petals in a nice spring bath. Lavender has petals right? Wait – what part of the plant is the smelly good part anyway? It looks like a freaking weed.

Lavender. It's not dead yet.

Intentional Tree Murder

Corwin — Wed, 20 Jan 2010 20:34:43 +0000

As I’ve grown older I’ve begun to have awkward and uncomfortable feelings about the intentional annual Christmas tree murder. For the 2008 Christmas I managed to convince my wife into a non-conventional tree. In fact, it was just a lighted palm tree that was in our yard the previous year. It was a beautiful thing! I think friends and family believed we were holiday spirit challenged. I suppose it was really more of a Festivus pole.

Lighted Palm Christmas Tree 2008

This year was a different matter. I’m somewhat indifferent about Christmas so I gave in to my better half (more like 3/4′s). She was insistent on having a real tree that would be cut from a farm, and die a slow choking death. This is how it sits today:

Dying Christmas Tree 2009

Of course it’s not all bad. This video of our annual Christmas tree burning is from Christmas 2007. Don’t get all preachy on me about the environment. I was simply setting the spirit of the tree free so it could find its way to the next Christmas! I was so excited I think I channeled the future ghost of Arnold Schwarzenegger. Honestly I don’t really sound like that. :-/

I can grow weeds.

Corwin — Wed, 20 Jan 2010 18:01:08 +0000

There is one type of plant with which I’m quite adept. Weeds. I think they are weeds anyway, basically because I am reasonably sure I didn’t plant them, especially when they grow between the cracks of our patio. This is a fine example of some of the beauty of weeds. I can’t wait until they bloom!!!

Crack Weed #1

Crack Weed #2