8:00 am – Dog food! My favourite thing!

9:30 am – A car ride! My favourite thing!

9:40 am – A walk in the park! My favourite thing!

10:30 am – Got rubbed and petted! My favourite thing!

12:00 pm – Lunch! My favourite thing!

1:00 pm – Played in the yard! My favourite thing!

3:00 pm – Wagged my tail! My favourite thing!

5:00 pm – Milk bones! My favourite thing!

6:00 pm – Oooh, Bath. Bummer.

7:00 pm – Got to play ball! My favourite thing!

8:00 pm – Wow! Watched TV with the people! My favourite thing!

11:00 pm – Sleeping on the bed! My favourite thing!

Excerpts from a Cat’s Daily Diary. ..

Day 983 of my captivity.

My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects.

They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets. Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my strength.

The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape. In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the carpet.

Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet. I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly demonstrates what I am capable of. However, they merely made condescending comments about what a “good little hunter” I am.

There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However, I could hear the noises and smell the food. I overheard that my confinement was due to the power of “allergies.” I must learn what this means and how to use it to my advantage.

Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try this again tomorrow — but at the top of the stairs.

I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches. The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released – and seems to be more than willing to return. He is obviously retarded.

The bird has got to be an informant. I observe him communicating with the guards regularly. I am certain that he reports my every move. My captors have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell, so he is safe. For now…………….

Pikstik and squirrel

PikStik-Pro Aluminum Reacher, 32

We got Kayla nearly 8 years ago.  She was a year and a half old when we found her through a rescue group, K9 New Life.  She was 45lbs, under nourished and cared for poorly.  She’d also just had a puppy, a black Lab we never got to see.

Today she’s 70lbs, very well adjusted and happy.  I cannot begin go describe how well this dog behaves.  She doesn’t touch anything that doesn’t belong to her; she doesn’t get on the furniture except for one ottoman, and she asks for permission to get on that.  She has possibly a hundred different toys strewn throughout the house.  She’s one happy spoiled dog and we love her dearly.

Kayla

Part of this poop dilemma is that it doesn’t get picked up nearly as often as necessary, due to weather, laziness, and gag reflex.  Fortunately she’s a smart dog, she doesn’t poop in the house, on the sidewalk, patio or pathways.  Unfortunately for us, we don’t have nearly enough pathways.

So I’m thinking to myself one day.  I need more paths in the yard so I don’t have to walk through the yard like I’m burglar sneaking through a museum after hours.  In my Internet wanderings I found it – the perfect path.

Perfect artifical pathway sans poop.

Here’s the poop machine and a sample of the artificial path. It’s made from recycled materials (the path), looks somewhat similar to mulch, but it’s rubber! I saw that, you rolled your eyes back didn’t you? Hey, it isn’t that I’m lazy and can’t put down a genuine mulch path… okay, maybe that’s a part of it.

Anti-poop path

I have more back issues than I care to recall – spinal stenosis, degenerative disc disease, annular tear at L3, arthritis in my upper back, and so on. It coalesces well with my general laziness. I’m not about to start trying to put in a nice natural, stone, or concrete path – waaay too much effort.

This stuff is pretty neat. I need to trim the edges, but you basically just lay it down and pin it down with metal stakes. I have several rolls of the stuff I bought from Gardener’s Supply Company. They have all kinds of stuff I would love to buy. However, being a semi-unemployed, semi-self employed person of questionable talent, I’m not exactly overflowing with any extra spending money. Right now I’m happy with my fake path material. I just need to cut the grass really low where I want to put it and lay it out all. I’m excited!